I saw the movie Deception last night. Here is a blurb from Movie-web.com:

An accountant (McGregor) is introduced to a mysterious sex club known as The List by his lawyer friend (Jackman). But in this new world, he soon becomes the prime suspect in a woman’s disappearance and a multi-million dollar heist.

I can see the underling pitching this to the movie executives: “Powerful men, hot and sexually valuable women, gratuitous strip club scene, money, money, money, and well, Deception!”

And how will this be done? Oh, you know, the usual way – the movie is thoroughly formulaic.

I sat in the theater like a chorus director: “Okay, and now this has to happen, and now this…”

Twenty minutes into the movie I thought, “Can I go now?” But no, I couldn’t go. I paid $9 for this crap.

Good thing I got the $1 student discount. $10 for crap would have pissed-me-the-fuck-off.

So I sat there for almost two hours waiting for the clunky plot devices to finish. And just in case anyone missed anything the movie dropped hints with the grace of a bitch-slap, “LOOK AT THIS. THIS IS IMPORTANT. HERE: ANOTHER SHOT. DO YOU REMEMBER THIS FROM 10 MINUTES AGO? CLUE! CLUEE! CLUEEEEE!”

Okay, we get it bubba, damn.

• A more mature and thorough version of the above can be found here.
• A 62-year-old Charlotte Rampling has about 5 minutes in the movie.

I’ve started a new wordpress blog. It’s called My Last Miami Summer. The new blog is comprised of scans from my journal.

The more interesting ones will be cross posted here. Enjoy.

http://miamisummer.wordpress.com.

I also redesigned this blog (new header, similar layout.) The theme is BEARDED SWAMP THANGS FROM THE DEEP!

Cheesy, I know. I do what I want.

UMN Law is my first choice. I was accepted and I’m attending. This is old news.

The first deposit is already in. This is happening. I want this.
I’m excited. I really really am.

But declining all these other schools, especially those that gave me full rides, feels like burning my security blanket.

I finished reading the Thomas Harris novel Red Dragon last night.

I just rewatched the 2002 film adaptation.

This was the first time I’ve watched a movie after reading the novel and I was surprised by how much more is covered by the novel.

I loved the movie when it came out, but now, eh.

Other changes include the name of the chemical processing plant, hair colors, dialogue, and locations. Guns are also favored over knives in the movie. Boom-chaka-chaka.

The movie was more of the gist of the novel than the true film-adaptation. It’s like a cover by a tribute band. A lot of random things in the movie are remnants of important character developing events in the book.

The film obviously couldn’t cover all of the subplots in the novel, but I am surprised how much richer the novel is compared to the film.

Novels are a much more powerful medium than I previously realized. Good thing I’m a writer, and not a director.

 

 

I was so excited when the first issue of Distraction magazine appeared in front of the dining hall.

Seriously. I was thrilled.

Finally, the University of Miami had a glossy student-run magazine. Something to counter our craptastic student newspaper.

Real schools have great student publications. Shalala is raising the school’s rank, and this Com School-backed glossy might help bolster our university’s reputation, right? Looks like a duck…

…but Quacks like UMiami.

Bejing? Where exactly is this Bejing? Certainly not the Beijing in China? The second issue of Distraction reminded me exactly where the magazine came from: The University of Miami Com School.

Things from the Com School consistently look good, but fail to deliver in content. (This is also the stereotype for Com students, but I won’t go there.)

To be fair, we all make spelling errors, and Distraction can never suck as badly as that other Com-School disaster: UMTV.

I graduated today. Well, sort of.

My last final-exam was today. I’m not going to commencement, so, for undergrad. That’s it.

Why are you not going to graduation?

I didn’t attend high school graduation and never considered going to college graduation.

I’m not a big fan of ceremonies or holidays, and a ceremony certainly isn’t necessary to legitimize my degree. And milestone my ass. I was never under the impression that I wouldn’t graduate. It certainly hasn’t been hard.

Commencement is a completely impersonal event. They don’t call names nor give out diplomas. I’m sure Angela Lansbury will forgive me for skipping out on her speech.

Some people go to commencement to please their parents. I didn’t go to college to please my parents, so why would I go to graduation to do so?

I’m at the University of Miami because my parents didn’t want to pay (or co-sign the loans) for the $10,000 it would have cost to send me to Georgetown or Macalester.

Mum isn’t thrilled about me skipping graduation.
But then, I’m not thrilled about not going to Georgetown.

I told Mum that I’d go to Law School graduation if she’d like. I paid for undergrad, so I did things according to my rules. Mum is helping with the move to Minneapolis, so I’ll sit through law commencement.

“No, Taco Bell will be gross by the time I get back to campus. Chipotle is too expensive…Let’s do Qdoba.”

Ten minutes later.

“Fuck Qdoba. There’s no parking in South Miami. Everyone is taking the meters up for the clubhouse and these restaurants. Ugh. Chipotle then.”

Five minutes later

“Where am I? Taco Bell. I’ll be DAMNED if I’ll wait in that 30 person line at Chipotle. It’s not that serious.”

No, this is not a movie blog and I never claimed this was work or school safe.

That said, I just finished watching “The Toolbox Murders.” Premise: a young couple moves into an old Hollywood apartment building. The neighbors are weird, the building manager is annoying, and there is a looming repairman that looks like a Geico caveman.

The apartment building also happens to be dotted in magic symbols and has a long history of mysterious deaths, of course.

The accidental deaths escalate when the couple moves in. Wifey slowly makes friends with the neighbors, and they start dying off. She then (understandably)  becomes paranoid and hysteric.

Hubby, the building manager, and the police tell her that she’s off her rocker.

But, of course, she’s not. Cue music.

The music is the scariest thing for the first part of the movie. False jumps galore.

Then, halfway through, when the disfigured (go figure), masked killer is revealed, something strange happens: YOU ACTUALLY START CARING ABOUT THE CHARACTERS! Gasp.

What follows is 30-40 minutes of good-old-fashion horror chase. Yes, I was flailing about screaming at the girl, “YOU BEST GET UP ON OUT OF THERE! GO! GO! GO!”

Haha. I got into it. It was fun.

One thing though, (caution, not cute) Read the rest of this entry »

Tonight I wasted a half-hour of my life watching Savage Island. Straight-to-video low-budget horror. I blame Blockbuster online.

Pictures. Yes, he’s asking someone to pet a dead squirrel.

Premise: a newlywed couple with a baby visit the wife’s parents, who live on a small island just east of nowhere.

The wife’s pot-smoking brother also lives on the island with the parents. The father-in-law wants to develop the island into a luxury resort. One small problem: the island is inhabited by a family (or two?) of hick squatters. These are “the savages.”

The “savages” dress like pioneers. Well, at least the parents do. The hick children dress like huns from a video game and the young adults wear modern clothes. All the savage-hicks have pretty well groomed hair, and the savage men wear fashionable stubble. Go figure.

Well the pot-smoking brother-in-law has a nasty speeding habit, and of course he accidentally hits on the of the hick-savage children.

The savage-elders come to the ranch and tell the father-in-law that they “want the baby”, the father-in-law says “hells to the nah get off my property!” and mass chaos ensues.

That’s the movie.

The scene transitions are SO bad. They are like made in windows-movie-maker bad. The scene changes involve the screen moving up or to the side, creating a “meanwhile back at the ranch” effect.

Some shots are grainy, others in black and white… and the acting… um yeah. I’m going back to Red Dragon.

I woke up at exactly 7:46pm and thought “Liquor!”

I know this because Fox news was on.

There was a countdown to the O’Reilly Factor plastered on the screen and it said 14 minutes. Part II of the Hilary Clinton interview would air at 8pm…So if this countdown said 14 minutes then it was 7:46. I’m a math genius.

I really, really wanted to see the O’Reilly interview, but I also wanted liquor. I haven’t had any hard liquor at home since I ran out of Apfelkorn four months ago. I’m not a much of a drinker and the liquor stores around campus keep odd hours.

I took too long to think about it because I got to the store at 7:59, just in time to see the security guard slap the “CLOSED” sign on the door.

Fudge.

So I went to Publix and bought yogurt.

I have to practice buying my own food because Charties closes for the summer in about a week. I bought the usual (for me) – cheese, generic yogurt, tortillas, etc.

But I still wanted liquor. The Publix by campus doesn’t have a liquor license so they only sell beer and wine. The alcohol section is in this little hidden isle at the edge of the store. I think this is so alcohol buyers feel like the dude sneaking out of the more unsavory sections of the porn store.

I picked up a liter of Mississippi Mud and went on my merry-shopping-way, ignoring the filthy look from the guy at the deli. Mississippi Mud may not be classy, but the grocery store is a judge free zone. So there.

Now considering that I had to go to the hidden isle to get the beer, you would think the rest of the store is family-friendly and alcohol-free. Wrong.

There is actually wine in every single isle of the store. Every. Last. One.

And it’s in the most random places too: there’s Saki by the tortillas, white wines by the organic food, and there’s even blood-red wine by the pretzels. What the hey?

Wine is sprinkled around Publix like the impulse-buy items by the checkout counter. If I had little children I would be terrified that they’d send bottles flying. Kidswreak havoc in the cereal isle. The bebe’s kids throw around the Chex boxes, so why shiny red bottles?

Needless to say the marketing ploy works. Before I left I had a bottle of Saki and a bottle of Fünf.

Yogurt, Milk, Cheese, Tortilla, wine, Saki, Mississippi Mud… The cashier looked at me like I was a lush.

I’ve never had wine before – and I still haven’t. Apparently you need a cork screw. Oops.

I’ll get it together eventually. The Mud will do for tonight.

Plans for tonight: I’m finishing Red Dragon with the bucket of Mud.